Your story involves heartache. It must, otherwise, it wouldn’t be a good story.
In our culture, we avoid heartache because it unearths our desires. When our desires are exposed, we often feel shame in some way because of the vulnerability. This vulnerability creates a sense of weakness, stupidity, and accusation. The way we engage heartache is to use self or others centered contempt to hide our shame.
Have you ever said something like these?
“Why was I so stupid for trusting that person?”
“Why can’t I do better? I’m such a failure.”
“Why do I feel this way? I shouldn’t feel all these emotions. Just pull yourself together and get through this.”
“My spouse is such an idiot for doing and saying that!”
“If my friend is going to treat me like that, then I’ll give him what he deserves.”
Can you hear the accusation and contempt in these sentences. I’m sure you’ve said them to yourself or about others at some point.
What do these statements reveal of your heartache and desire?
What if you engaged your heartache differently so that you could receive kindness and grace for your shame? What if you allowed the heartache of Jesus’ crucifixion to show you how relatable your pain is to Jesus’?
What would that reveal of your heartache and contempt?
Jesus didn’t treat himself or others with accusation, blame, or contempt. He allowed himself to experience shame. Yet, he despised its mockery for he looked to the joy set before him (Heb. 12:2).
This is the power of Jesus and the Good News. Even in our heartache and pain, we can be transformed.
Just because you trusted someone and were betrayed doesn’t mean you’re stupid. It means you had a desire for goodness in the relationship. You had faith that the other person cared about you. Don’t call yourself “stupid.” Receive the grace and kindness Christ offers through the crucifixion and resurrection.
Just because you failed doesn’t mean you are a failure. It means you desired a good outcome. Don’t curse your desire for better. Receive the grace and kindness Christ offers through the crucifixion and resurrection. Try again in a different way with grace for yourself to fail.
Just because your feelings are overwhelming doesn’t mean you shouldn’t feel them. Pulling yourself together will not work in the long run. Your body has experienced a lot of pain and your emotions are a sign to get healing. Don’t treat yourself with contempt by “pulling yourself up by your own boot straps.” If you could, Jesus wouldn’t have needed to die for you. Receive his grace and kindness for your overwhelming emotions.
Just because your spouse hurt you, doesn’t mean you need to turn against them in accusation. Acknowledge how hurt you feel, because that is real. Allow the story of Jesus to transform you heart. Go to your spouse and tell them of your hurt. Let the love and grace of Jesus motivate you to seek reconciliation instead of blame and contempt.
If your friend hurt you, you don’t have to retaliate or accuse him. You can allow the grace and kindness of Christ to soothe your ache. Don’t turn to vengeance in your desire for justice. See your own sinfulness to exact punishment as you see fit. Then confess it to Christ, turning over your desire for justice to him. Receive Christ’s grace for yourself. Then you will overcome evil and can see clearly to offer your friend grace for the wrong committed.
What is your heartache? How have you treated it with contempt? Will you begin engaging your heartache and desire with the grace and kindness Christ provided?