Have you ever encountered a situation in life where you were afraid of someone or afraid to do something? Of course you have. Anyone who has lived has encountered a situation where fear was domineering. How did you handle it, though? Did you confront the fear head on, or did it cause you to shrink away from taking action, hoping that the problem would go away? Here’s the interesting thing too, your response, many times, trains you to always respond to similar situations the exact same way.
I think the best illustration to understand how your response will sometimes define your reality when dealing with fear is how an elephant is held captive by a chain and wooden peg driven into the ground. Elephants are extremely powerful. Fully grown, they’ll weigh between 5k and 14k pounds. Yet, an elephant can be held captive by a chain around one leg and a peg driven into the ground.
How is this possible? From a very young age the owners train it to believe it cannot escape the chain and peg through its experience. As a calf, it will initially try to get away from the chain and peg, but over time, the struggle causes bruising and the chain will create wounds that hurt. The calf learns that if it struggles against the chain, it causes pain, and slowly, the calf begins to submit to being the peg’s captive. This behavior of becoming a captive to the peg stays with the elephant, even when it becomes a fully grown adult. Yet, it is still held captive by a peg and chain. Do you see how a past experience may have trained you to respond to fear now, even if you’re an adult? Fear is exactly like the chain and peg. It can keep you from experiencing true freedom, simply because you don’t believe that you’re capable of dealing with it.
I’m reminded of David and Goliath. All of Israel’s armies were terrified of Goliath, even Saul. Yet, David, a youth and shepherd, was not afraid because his trust, confidence, and identity was in God. David recounted to Saul how God had delivered him from the paw of the lion and bear, and that Goliath would be no different (1 Sam 17:34-37). Fear did not hold David back because his trust was in the Lord.
Saul, on the other hand, was afraid of the people (1 Sam 15:24). Why? He valued their opinion more than obeying the words of God. Saul was held back by fear because he was a people pleaser. Saul was concerned with the outward appearance, rather than the heart (1 Sam 16:7, 1 Sam 17:11).
David wasn’t afraid of other people’s opinions, including his brothers’ (1 Sam 17:28). What about you? Are you afraid of your boss at work? Are you afraid of a new career move that would better serve your passion and the desire God has put in your heart? Is there a conflict that you’re afraid to face between you and another person. If you are afraid, why?
Words similar to these will often enter your mind when you’re facing fear: ‘Well, what if the other person gets mad at me? Or what if it doesn’t work out?’
My response is, ‘Okay, what if…?’
‘Well, then I don’t want to face it.’
Why? Why don’t you want to face it?
‘I’m afraid that the other person will get mad or upset at me and then I’ll feel rejected.’
Why would you allow someone else’s reaction to create a sense of rejection in you? Why would you allow a result or a failure make you believe that you’re something other than who you are? Why would you allow someone or something to define who you are?
‘That’s what I learned to do…’
No one and no thing makes you feel anything. You choose to let them make you feel a certain way, or view yourself a certain way. If you fail or someone is mad at you, you believe that it defines who you are. So if someone is mad at you, well, you’re a bad person then. If you fail, then it must mean that you’re a failure and people will be disappointed in you.
The truth is that God created you for His purpose. God, has bridged the gap between your sin and Himself through Jesus Christ. If you’ve put your trust in Him, surrendered to a relationship with Him, then He has given you value. Scripture says that you’re His child (Rom 8:14-17).
14 For all who are led by the Spirit of God are sons of God. 15 For you did not receive the spirit of slavery to fall back into fear, but you have received the Spirit of adoption as sons, by whom we cry, “Abba! Father!” 16 The Spirit himself bears witness with our spirit that we are children of God, 17 and if children, then heirs—heirs of God and fellow heirs with Christ, provided we suffer with him in order that we may also be glorified with him.
You are valuable because He has made you valuable through His Son. You can be like David whose trust was in the Lord. If your trust is in yourself, someone else, or something else, as Saul’s was, you will fall. If your worth, sense of belonging, and identity are in Christ, then who or what should you fear?
You are good enough, because of Christ. You are worth something, because of Christ. If you make a decision and fail, God does not change in His love for you. God still loves you no matter what. Learn from your failure, but don’t fear it. Learn from conflict in a relationship when someone else is angry at you, but don’t fear the other person. Do not fear someone else’s opinion of you, but learn from the wisdom in feedback. Own your failure, or the conflict, or the feedback, but the failure, or the other person’s feelings of hostility toward you, or someone else’s opinion does not change who you are in Christ.
Are you allowing fear to hold you captive? Are you living free? Or are you living in fear?
You have been given a choice: fear or freedom. Whether you live in fear or live in freedom, the choice is up to you.