One of the most foundational elements to understanding who God is, is being able to relate to Him correctly and understand how God relates to us. ‘Oh, that’s easy, Nick, I know God and understand Him. He loves me.’ That’s great! And it’s one thing to know who God is intellectually; it is a whole different level of intimacy to know God emotionally and relationally. Since the discovery of my root system in LifePlan, God has been “rooting” (pun intended) out bad beliefs as I discussed in the previous post.
Recently, I had an accident at work in which I received second degree burns on my thigh, forearm, and face. I was melting a brazed joint on a copper pipe to remove a valve from a refrigerant system. The valve was faulty, which is why I was removing it in order to install a new valve. What I didn’t know is that pressure had built up behind the valve after I had vented the pressure. When the braze joint melted, the pressure pushed through the brazing alloy. When the pressure did this, it took with it, polyester oil (used for lubrication in mechanical parts of the refrigerant system) and atomized the oil. When the atomized oil hit the flame from the torch I was using, it ignited and I was engulfed in a fireball. Now, this all happened in fractions of a second. I was in a location with limited access and couldn’t readily get away from the flame, which is why I got burned as bad as I did. But praise God that He kept me as safe He did, because it could have been a lot worse. I got away from the flame, turned off the acetylene torch and the fire went out. Next, I assessed my damage. The skin on my forearm had melted and shifted, causing wrinkles in my skin, almost like pantyhose that had bunched up. I took a rag and put it in a bucket of ice water I had been using earlier and put it on my burn to try and alleviate the pain. Next I felt my lips, nose, and cheek stinging so I put a cool rag across them as well. I wasn’t concerned about my leg yet, though it hurt, because it was covered and I couldn’t see how bad the damage was. On the inside, part of me was freaking out and wanting to go into shock. I was shaking. Somehow, the other part of me was mostly in control, keeping me calm and telling myself that it would all be okay. I told God I still trusted Him, but I was scared. Over the next several hours, I would go to an urgent care center, get treated, and then be released to go home and begin the healing process.
Why do I tell you this story? I want to show you what lies I started to believe, and then maybe it will help you see what lies have made their way into your own life.
I didn’t know how to process what had happened to me once the adrenaline and hype of the day had gone. I was confused, and unsure of what God’s work was in the situation. In the midst of it all, I knew I could trust God, but I felt like I had been abandoned. I didn’t feel like He loved me. Why would He have allowed it? Was He even there, because I felt like I was on my own? I still trusted God, but instead of trusting Him, I was questioning why He would’ve allowed it. Was He punishing me because I had done something wrong? Did He have a plan for me? Because it was starting to feel like He didn’t.
You know what? God and I had a long conversation a few days after the incident, because of how it was affecting our relationship, and I am pleased to tell you that He answered all of my questions and fears. Let me summarize our conversation by sharing what He taught me.
God reinforced that I am His son and He has not abandoned me. He is completely trustworthy (Romans 8:15-17).
For you have not received a spirit of slavery leading to fear again, but you have received a spirit of adoption as sons by which we cry out, “Abba! Father!” The Spirit Himself testifies with our spirit that we are children of God, and if children, heirs also, heirs of God and fellow heirs with Christ, if indeed we suffer with Him so that we may also be glorified with Him.
He told me that in the midst of all that was happening, He was there holding me. I learned that God ALWAYS loves me and has the BEST plan for my life. I learned that Satan will attack at my core, who I am. He puts lies in my mind. I am who I am because of Christ, and Satan cannot change that. So what will he do? He will make me doubt who God is. If I doubt who God is, then how can I be sure of who I am? If I do not know who I am, I will go through life seeking after every vain thing to satisfy the deep longing in my soul for meaning and belonging, the relationship with my Father in heaven. It is the cosmic battle: the battle between the truth and the lies, my glory or God’s glory, my satisfaction from my own doing or the satisfaction of knowing who I am and Whose I am.
Now, who are you and whose are you? Are you fulfilled and living a life of true freedom in a relationship with your heavenly Father? Do you see yourself as His child and He your faithful, unfailing, and loving Dad? In what ways is God using the things and events in your life to help you know Him as He did for me?