I recently ran into a gentleman who was older than me. We work for different companies but we were in the same building. My company is a subcontractor to the company he worked for. We had conversed a few times before and I in general thought he was a really likable, jovial, yet driven individual.

Well, recently, I was eating lunch in the common break area and he came in to heat up a can of soup in the microwave. While he waited for it to heat up, we started talking and as our conversation progressed, I decided to ask him some questions. The following four questions are ones that Don Miller uses to discover someone’s story. I wanted to know this man’s story since I found him interesting and wanted to understand what he thought his purpose was.

The first question I asked was, “How do people describe you?” He said that other people would describe him as driven or an achiever. “I like getting results and not just talking about something in theory,” was one such reply. His answer to the question was rather shorter than I thought it would be and made for an abrupt stop in our conversation.

So I proceeded to the second question, “If there’s one main thing you want in life, what is it?” He replied that he just wanted to be happy and content. In his early years, he spent too much time trying to achieve a title. Now, he’s happy simply being content where he is at. This second question started to get him thinking, though, and he took a little longer than the first question to answer it. There were more pauses and points where he leaned up against the wall, hands in his pockets and eyes looking at the ceiling tiles and then back to me sitting at the lunch table.

The third question: “What’s the biggest challenge you’ve had to overcome in life?” “The biggest challenge was trying to achieve the title,” He said. “I was in sales and sold furniture, and later, life insurance. The companies I worked for were really crooked and I did not enjoy it. It was during those times that I tried to achieve my title. However, now that I’m married and have two children, the biggest challenge I’m trying to overcome is being a father to my child who has autism.” While he took his time to speak, I realized something. The questions I was asking were very intimate questions and had started to break down the social barriers around his heart as he shared more. I realized that I was in a very delicate position. Here is a man I barely knew who was sharing his hopes, fears, and dreams with me. I needed to be very careful in holding this man’s inner being.

The fourth question: “When you die, what do you want to have been known for?” “I want to have been known for caring and being happy in life,” was his reply. He then went on to cite a study that was conducted on people between the ages of 65 and older. These people had been successful in their fields of study or endeavor and the one thing they wished for was that they’d spent more time with family and those who mattered instead of chasing after the title. He went on to say that people just want to know that you care for them and that you appreciate them.

At the end, he chuckled at me and asked, “Does Psychologist, Nick, have any more questions?” as he took his soup out of the microwave and took out a spoon to eat. I chuckled back and replied, “No.” He left and went back to his office, and I sat in the break room, stunned and touched at the story of an eternal being I had just connected with.

…Wow, how interesting people are. I never would have known that he’s dealing with a child who has autism if I hadn’t asked those questions. I have a greater empathy and respect for him because he is not scared of the challenge, yet, it is still a challenge none the less that is molding his character. I gained much insight from his perspective having chased after the title, made really good money, yet found that true contentment is in enjoying life with those you love and care about.

Today, I know that you have to get stuff done. You have errands to run and places to be. However, enjoy the moments that today brings and concentrate on being fully present and engaged with those you love and care about. Maybe you need to mend a relationship or tell someone you’re sorry. Whatever it is, be fully present and connect with those around you. People want to be known and appreciated, so serve someone by being fully present today.