Many search and long for the results of healing, but few take the path when they encounter it because it is costly. You know you’ve paid the cost of healing and redemptive suffering when you find new compassion and tenderness for the parts of yourself that have been wounded, cursed, accused, and condemned. 

The scripture says, “…and by his wounds we are healed” (Isa. 53:5). For the longest time, I interpreted this to mean that there is no pain on my part. Only Jesus experiences the pain of the wounds I deserved. This understanding is partially true. The other piece of truth is that I must experience his wounds to be healed. 

You might be asking, “Wait. What? How do I experience Christ’s wounds? And why would I?” 

So, what do I mean by this? To answer this, I want to address another important question.

Why was it important for Jesus to have a body? Let’s linger on this question for a moment. The answer matters to why we experience healing in Jesus wounds. Other translations render it “…with his stripes we are healed…” He received wounds and stripes from other people. The statement “…and by his wounds, we are healed” implies that we are wounded. Otherwise, what would we need healing for. Jesus’ body was and is of utmost importance because he had to be made in our likeness in ever way. We not only have an empathizer, but he also became a sympathizer. He carried our sins in his body and received not only physical wounds, but he was also betrayed, abandoned, and rejected. Without damage there is no need for healing.

This is the reason healing is costly and so few take the path less traveled. Healing requires a movement of integrating your story and the story of Jesus’ crucifixion and resurrection. It costs you betrayal by those closest to you. It costs you abandonment by your friends and family. And it costs you rejection by those in authority and your friends.

But…the weight of glory that healing through Christ creates far outweighs the light and momentary suffering that healing requires. Jim Elliot wrote, “He is no fool who gives up what he cannot keep to gain what he cannot lose.” 

In our microwave, lease signing, debt building, buy-it-now on a credit card, pay later culture, paying the cost up front is avoided because it is painful and costly. But the reward is so much better than the initial pain. 

The cost of healing is high because activity and energy must be redirected towards processing and metabolizing. 

This means people must be disappointed…because they won’t have access to you when they wanted. This means ministries will be let down when you say “no” to the next project. Instead of watching TV 30-40 hrs per week, you’ll spend time journaling (although sometimes you’ll need a break from the heavy lifting your body goes through in processing and metabolizing trauma). You’ll have to start saying “no” to the idols and lovers who temporarily filled your emptiness with fleeting pleasure to calm your anxiousness. This will lead to an even deeper awareness of your emptiness. Energy and focus will go into repairing the damage. You won’t be able to perform as you once did. Don’t try and force yourself to. Submit to the process and listen to what your body and soul need. The cost is worth it.

The cost is also high because it requires vulnerability. We experience so much heartache, disappointment, betrayal, abandonment, and rejection, that our hearts grow cold, reserved, and defensive towards vulnerability. 

Why? Because we experience shame for trusting too naively. In trusting others to take care of us,  we’ve been used and taken advantage of. In loving those close to us, we’ve been betrayed. In hoping for welcome and invite, we’ve been rejected by our friends. All of these experiences involve shame. And when we feel shame, we want to depart from our body’s experience of it. So we hide. We will not be vulnerable again by trusting, hoping, and loving others.

But to heal those stories, memories, and embodied experiences, they must be entered and re-entered to name the damage and harm done. We need repenting of our sinfulness. but also to mock evil’s assault to silence us through accusation. And those experiences must not be entered to unjustly accuse those who wronged you (although that’s where you might start the journey). The memories and experiences must not be entered to accuse and judge yourself for how stupid, needy, or naive you were (although naming this pattern of using self-contempt and shame as tools is vital). Those experiences must be entered with grace, kindness, grief, and lament for the pain, sin, and suffering your soul endured and perpetrated. 

And when you begin to enter your stories of pain, trauma, and heartache, you can begin to see how Christ suffered the same wounds you have. You will experience the goodness and delight of being known by God in your pain and suffering because you will know and experience Jesus in his pain and suffering. And…“by his wounds we will be healed.” 

When you experience the pain and suffering of Christ’s crucifixion, allowing it to expose you for who we really are, it paves the way for you to also experience and anticipate resurrection! And oh, healing is so glorious and so far outweighs the initial cost it requires. All of the evil in your life can be worked for a good purpose in God’s story and glory of your life.

When you’ve experienced kindness and grace for your stories of harm, you’ll gain a new compassion and tenderness for yourself. You’ll experience mercy where you should’ve receive condemnation. You’ll begin to see new purpose in the suffering that was previously purposeless. You’ll begin to see and name the goodness and beauty God has placed in you as an image bearer of his likeness. You’ll see and bless the desires and motivations God has placed in you for him and his goodness to help the world.

Listen Christian, if you’re reading this, don’t turn away from the straight and narrow path required for healing. Pay the cost. To use Jesus’ parable, it is a pearl of extreme value. Sell all your comfort, sell all your emptiness, sell all your fear, sell your anxiety, sell all your shame, sell all your idols, sell all your envy, sell all your loneliness, sell all your pride, and go buy the pearl of great value. Go towards your pain, your fear, your anger, your rage, your sorrow, and your suffering. 

How do you pay this cost?

Something about your life is broken. You know the parts of your life and story that don’t make sense. Your life is similar to the story of Adam and Eve in the garden. Somewhere, probably in many places, you’ve experienced the nakedness and exposure desire and sin created. This is Shalom destroyed. The problem is, just like Adam and Eve, you don’t understand the details of the full story. You need the help of someone to save you from your predicament. That person is Jesus. Graciously, Christ is with you through himself and the Spirit, but he expresses himself most through those whom he has called. You need others to provide observations, love, guidance, care, and insight into what they see about you. You need others to name what you don’t understand or cannot name. 

Meet with a trained and wise guide who will navigate the healing process with you. You need to experience the love of Christ on your journey. You need those who can bear the burden with you. You need those who will exemplify Christ embodied through them, and those who can exemplify what it means to be an imperfect Christian in the great journey of becoming who God is making you into: his Son. 

Pay the Cost.