Nick Meeder | Way Finders

I deal with discontentment and frustration on a weekly basis. It keeps me down and my focus on the wrong things. It robs me of winning everyday. I had a mentor tell me that discontentment and frustration stem from unmet expectations. He also said that failed expectations have a way of crippling me, when really, all that is needed is for me to change my expectations. When I expect something, I begin to perceive it as a right and that I’m entitled to it. He further told me that, in life, I’m really not entitled to anything. So he challenged me to learn to change my expectations and let go of perceived rights or entitlement. So, what does it look like practically? The difficulty in changing my expectations is changing my emotions and thinking. However, I’ve discovered that it is something I can do just by deciding. You cannot change your expectations if you hold on to them. So, first, understand that you overcome discontentment and frustration by choosing to! You are not a captive of your emotions to do their bidding. You can control your emotions. Your emotions follow what you choose to focus on. Second, You overcome discontentment and frustration by building your relationship with God strong enough that you trust whatever comes your way in life. When you COMPLETELY trust God, it is easy to change your expectations. Third, overcome discontentment with thankfulness. Instead of focusing on what you don’t have. Make a list of all the things you are thankful for. When you become thankful, you are acknowledging that you don’t deserve what you have been given.  

Have you ever encountered a situation in life where you were afraid of someone or afraid to do something? Of course you have. Anyone who has lived has encountered a situation where fear was domineering. How did you handle it, though? Did you confront the fear head on, or did it cause you to shrink away from taking action, hoping that the problem would go away? Here’s the interesting thing too, your response, many times, trains you to always respond to similar situations the exact same way.

I think the best illustration to understand how your response will sometimes define your reality when dealing with fear is how an elephant is held captive by a chain and wooden peg driven into the ground. Elephants are extremely powerful. Fully grown, they’ll weigh between 5k and 14k pounds. Yet, an elephant can be held captive by a chain around one leg and a peg driven into the ground.

How is this possible? From a very young age the owners train it to believe it cannot escape the chain and peg through its experience. As a calf, it will initially try to get away from the chain and peg, but over time, the struggle causes bruising and the chain will create wounds that hurt. The calf learns that if it struggles against the chain, it causes pain, and slowly, the calf begins to submit to being the peg’s captive. This behavior of becoming a captive to the peg stays with the elephant, even when it becomes a fully grown adult. Yet, it is still held captive by a peg and chain. Do you see how a past experience may have trained you to respond to fear now, even if you’re an adult? Fear is exactly like the chain and peg. It can keep you from experiencing true freedom, simply because you don’t believe that you’re capable of dealing with it.

I’m reminded of David and Goliath. All of Israel’s armies were terrified of Goliath, even Saul. Yet, David, a youth and shepherd, was not afraid because his trust, confidence, and identity was in God. David recounted to Saul how God had delivered him from the paw of the lion and bear, and that Goliath would be no different (1 Sam 17:34-37). Fear did not hold David back because his trust was in the Lord.

Saul, on the other hand, was afraid of the people (1 Sam 15:24). Why? He valued their opinion more than obeying the words of God. Saul was held back by fear because he was a people pleaser. Saul was concerned with the outward appearance, rather than the heart (1 Sam 16:7, 1 Sam 17:11).

David wasn’t afraid of other people’s opinions, including his brothers’ (1 Sam 17:28). What about you? Are you afraid of your boss at work? Are you afraid of a new career move that would better serve your passion and the desire God has put in your heart? Is there a conflict that you’re afraid to face between you and another person. If you are afraid, why?

Words similar to these will often enter your mind when you’re facing fear: ‘Well, what if the other person gets mad at me? Or what if it doesn’t work out?’

My response is, ‘Okay, what if…?’

‘Well, then I don’t want to face it.’

Why? Why don’t you want to face it?

‘I’m afraid that the other person will get mad or upset at me and then I’ll feel rejected.’

Why would you allow someone else’s reaction to create a sense of rejection in you? Why would you allow a result or a failure make you believe that you’re something other than who you are? Why would you allow someone or something to define who you are?

‘That’s what I learned to do…’

No one and no thing makes you feel anything. You choose to let them make you feel a certain way, or view yourself a certain way. If you fail or someone is mad at you, you believe that it defines who you are. So if someone is mad at you, well, you’re a bad person then. If you fail, then it must mean that you’re a failure and people will be disappointed in you.

The truth is that God created you for His purpose. God, has bridged the gap between your sin and Himself through Jesus Christ. If you’ve put your trust in Him, surrendered to a relationship with Him, then He has given you value. Scripture says that you’re His child (Rom 8:14-17).

¹⁴ For all who are led by the Spirit of God are sons of God. ¹⁵ For you did not receive the spirit of slavery to fall back into fear, but you have received the Spirit of adoption as sons, by whom we cry, “Abba! Father!” ¹⁶ The Spirit himself bears witness with our spirit that we are children of God, ¹⁷ and if children, then heirs—heirs of God and fellow heirs with Christ, provided we suffer with him in order that we may also be glorified with him.

You are valuable because He has made you valuable through His Son. You can be like David whose trust was in the Lord. If your trust is in yourself, someone else, or something else, as Saul’s was, you will fall. If your worth, sense of belonging, and identity are in Christ, then who or what should you fear?

You are good enough, because of Christ. You are worth something, because of Christ. If you make a decision and fail, God does not change in His love for you. God still loves you no matter what. Learn from your failure, but don’t fear it. Learn from conflict in a relationship when someone else is angry at you, but don’t fear the other person. Do not fear someone else’s opinion of you, but learn from the wisdom in feedback. Own your failure, or the conflict, or the feedback, but the failure, or the other person’s feelings of hostility toward you, or someone else’s opinion does not change who you are in Christ.

Are you allowing fear to hold you captive? Are you living free? Or are you living in fear?

You have been given a choice: fear or freedom. Whether you live in fear or live in freedom, the choice is up to you.

One thing that never seems to end is the amount of tasks I have to do. Then, there are friends, obligations, and other things to do on top of my task list.

  
I try to use a task management app called Nozbe. It’s free and I like it a lot, but what matters more than the task management tool is the system you use to capture, remind, schedule, and do the tasks. If you’re unfamiliar with task management processes, I would recommend reading and implementing David Allen’s, “Getting Things Done.” You can spend hours gathering all the different tasks into an app, but it doesn’t matter if you don’t do them, or have a system to process and manage them. I like Nozbe because it integrates with google calendar and so the tasks will show up as something that’s scheduled.

Where things usually break down in my system is two areas. The first is having a consistent review and processing of my inbox at regular intervals to handle new tasks. What this looks like is I don’t review it at a specific, undisturbed time everyday and so the tasks pile up, and then I get overwhelmed by the tasks. Two things I try to do to avoid getting overwhelmed is either delegate it or eliminate it. 

The second break down in my system is remembering what my life’s priorities are. There are more things to do than I will ever have time to do. So, life is about doing the right things, or the things of significance. Those things must always take presidence over other things. 

In order for that to take place, though, my priorities must be deeply held convictions in my mind and emotions. Otherwise I will allow them to be overridden. This also requires me to write them down so that I know what they are and set the boundaries.

A task management system will help free up your mind’s thinking and creativity because you won’t have to remember and keep track of it all. That is the essential premise of David Allen’s book. However, if you haven’t done this before, it will require some intentional hustle to establish the new habit. Yet, once the new habit is formed, then your mind’s thinking pattern will start to open up and the process becomes easier.

What ways do you manage the tasks and things in your life? I’m interested to know how you do it? You might have some good ideas that I’d like to put in my own systems. Let me know if you have some insights.

One important thing to remember is that Jesus didn’t have a task management system and He did only what was significant. God has the ability to effect everything. This is why it is important to know your priorities. Jesus did only what he saw His Father doing. Remember, when it comes to task management, the tool was made for man, not man for the tool.

“So Jesus said to them, “Truly, truly, I say to you, the Son can do nothing of his own accord, but only what he sees the Father doing. For whatever the Father does, that the Son does likewise.” ‭‭John‬ ‭5:19‬ ‭ESV‬‬

One thing that really sticks is a garbage can full of waste that hasn’t been thrown out!

  
The garbage can in the picture didn’t stink, but it reminded me of some that had. One that really sticks is a trash can full of old soda cans, or even beer cans. It’s that smell of fermentation that really bugs me. Another really bad smell is rotting compost. In DC, some places like restaurants or produce stores have recycling for the produce that goes bad. One time, a recycle bin had tipped over in the ally. You want to talk about a bad stench, that was bad! Not to mention all of the city rats and bugs it attracted.

This makes me think about myself, though. What garbage have I been allowing into my life? If I let a lot of garbage in, guess what? I’m going to stink! If I stink, I’m probably going to repel people.

It’s time to get rid of the garbage! What garbage do you need to throw out of your life today? Is it hurt feelings from a friend? That hurt or bitterness will rot away inside of you. Get rid of it! Is it frustration from being stuck in traffic? Get rid of it! Is it anger towards your spouse for getting into an argument with you? Get rid of it! Maybe your depressed because of circumstances in your life. Get rid of it! Maybe it is the little voice in your head that tells you lies when you screw up or have a bad day. Throw. Those. Lies. Out! Make sure that what you’re telling yourself aligns with what Christ says about you.

In getting rid of the garbage, you become more like Christ. You also become a healthier person who can then help and contribute to other people and the relationships that are close to you. Get rid of the trash!!!!

“Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God.”‭‭Hebrews‬ ‭12:1-2‬ ‭ESV‬‬

To be and operate at the highest level you can, you need to make sure that you’re being filled back up after you’ve poured out into your work, family, friends, tasks, or projects.  

God even set the example for you by resting on the seventh day after working six days in creating the universe. Jesus also found time to get away from everyone and pray. However, you can get so caught up in the pursuit of more that you lose sight of what is necessary to give your best to those you love or things you care about. Maybe you find yourself over booked from saying, “yes,” to everyone and every event. 
This I can say with certainty, you don’t have to say, “yes,” to everything. If being a people pleaser is something you struggle with, which is why you struggle with telling someone, “no,” ask yourself, “why?” “Why do I care so much about what someone else thinks of me? Should I care so much about what someone thinks of me? Why do I feel the need to be fulfilled through this person’s opinion? Why would I feel less of who God created me to be, if I say, ‘no?’” So what if you miss the cool awesome event. So what if you don’t get to go there or hang out with so and so. If you don’t take care of yourself, eventually you might be forced to because of your physical health or relationships deteriorating.

Make sure that you are taking time to replenish yourself so that you can pour back into the life and callings God has for you. You must guard your personal time. If you don’t, eventually it will all build up inside and explode, or you’ll burn out because there’s nothing left to give. If you’re an introvert, make sure that you’re spending time with someone. You don’t want to be left to your own thoughts. Isolation will deteriorate you. Make sure that after you’ve poured out into the activities of your life that you’re also being refilled. While I am extraverted at times, eventually, I get drained. I need time to think, reflect, journal, process the events of my life, or talk with God by myself. Find three to five things that replenish you, and make sure you do them!

The cup of water and lemon in the picture was very refreshing, by the way.