It is painful to watch someone break a bone. Have you ever seen something like that? Maybe not in real life, but you’ve probably seen something on YouTube. Didn’t it evoke a pain sensation in your own body watching it? Or how about all of those fail compilation videos where people try really dumb things and end up hurting themselves or being injured?
Well, for me, I also get that sensation when I talk with people who have experienced tragic pain in their lives, but it has gone unprocessed. It’s painful to be attuned to their inner pain, but realize as I listen to their story, they aren’t aware that there’s pain there. It’s even more heavy when the person believes that it’s in the past and they’ve moved on. Yet, as I ask questions to delve deeper, clearly the effects and implications of what happened haven’t been named so that they’re able to treat themselves with kindness for what they’ve suffered. It’s like they’re still living with a broken ankle and trying to walk around on it. Even though they’re in tremendous pain they keep telling themselves, “I’m okay. This is normal.”
For some, they’ve walked around on their broken ankle for so long, it has healed in a deformed state. So, maybe they don’t have pain. Yet, their lives are full of debilitation, hindered thriving, and stagnated potential. Again, the broken ankle is a metaphor for the pain and brokenness they’re carrying around inside. Maybe it was a destructive betrayal by a friend or spouse. Perhaps some friends rejected the person and it has filled him or her with bitterness because of the hurt. Maybe the person has experienced the world as being a dangerous and unsafe place due to family or friends abandoning him or her when he or she needed them most.
We all have pain that’s unprocessed. Are you aware of your’s? Here are some diagnostic questions that might help you become aware as you begin to pay attention to the answers.
- How happy and fulfilled are you in life right now?
- What is the quality of your relationships?
- How busy are you?
- Do you have regular intervals for rest?
- Can you sit in quiet and stillness for an hour or more without needing a distraction or something to do?
- How often are emotions overwhelming and confusing for you?
- How often do you get your needs met in relationships?
- Can you write with specificity what your relational needs are?
If four or more of these questions are difficult to answer, there’s a high probability that you’re not operating at your full potential. It’s also likely that there’s parts of your life story that don’t make sense to you. The more your story doesn’t make sense, the more broken your ankle is.
I want to give you hope that life can be way more fulfilling and glorious than what you’re experiencing now. You’re not okay, and your life isn’t normal. Life doesn’t have to feel like you’re constantly walking around on a broken ankle.
Hope is scary. It requires you to be connected with your desires of what you want. You’ve probably learned to live with numbed desire because it makes life more tolerable. Killing your heart’s longing is easier than living vulnerably and being hurt or abused by others.
Yet, there’s hope. You can experience freedom in your story through healing your broken ankle. It may take re-entering past pain that has been shoved down deep inside. This will be like re-breaking your deformed ankle. But it’s necessary to reset the ankle and allow it to begin healing in its proper form so that it can function. The most difficult first step is allowing yourself the permission to feel the pain of the past. Stop telling yourself, “I’m okay. This is normal.”
It is NOT!